Relax, it’s not a big deal to find other people attractive. Some people like to assume that if we find other people attractive then there must be something wrong with us; we must be a disloyal person or the relationship must be on the rocks. It can be a horrible feeling to think that our partner may find other women attractive. But ladies, the fact of the matter is that even we ourselves find other men attractive! Is it possible to be in love with our partner and still be attracted to other people? Here are some things to take into consideration when we find ourselves feeling guilty or uneasy about our attraction:
Normalize our attraction towards other people: It is humanly impossible to not find other people aside from our partner attractive. When we look at other people, we can’t help but automatically scan their attraction – this happens without us even wanting or trying to. It is vital that we learn to ‘normalize’ that fact because if we see it as a taboo or forbidden thing then we make more of a big deal out of it than we should. And when we make it a big deal, then we emphasize that attraction even more when it should’ve just been a normal, insignificant thing.
Know it for what it is: Attraction is when we are infatuated with a certain part of that person – physically, intellectually or mentally. At the end of the day, an attraction isn’t a sign that something special is there between this person and us. Or that it’s a sign that we’re unhappy in our relationship. It is simply a feeling that everyone experiences when they have yet to get to know the person they are attracted to. Do not mistake our attraction as something more than it is – because it really isn’t a special thing to be attracted to someone else.
It is not IF you have it, it’s what you DO about it that matters: Although it isn’t wrong to find other people attractive, don’t then go out of our way to invest in our attraction or put more energy into it than we should. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean we should be indulging in it. If we know that a certain someone is incredibly attractive to our eyes then be cautious of what we do around that person. Don’t start spending more time with them and hide this from our partner. The point is to not follow our ‘infatuation’ because it’s not something to charge into.
The love you have in your relationship is worth more because it’s real: Something that we tend to take for granted is how sexy and attractive it is to have real love with the person we are in a relationship with. Infatuation can feel exciting and thrilling sure, but when we have something that actually runs deeper than that, it is 10 times better than any attraction. Infatuation only takes us so far and will not last forever. It will eventually go away with every single person we are with. What’s special isn’t having attraction for someone but it is being in love with our partner and choosing him or her over and over again above any other person.
So, the next time we find someone in particular attractive, don’t get too caught up in it. Simply notice it and see it for what it is and move on.